Mothers Day is a wonderful time for us to celebrate our own mothers, the mother of your children (if a husband is reading this), or even yourself as a mother! As a mother of two beautiful children, a daughter-in-law, a daughter, and a granddaughter, I know how many roles we play as women, and… how tricky it can be to find the right mothers day gifts!
Your role as mother is of vital importance
Let’s take a moment to talk about these roles. Your role as a mother is so important. To your family, to your children, to society, to our country!
Now, many of us confuse role with identity or purpose.
Let me say here, that I don’t believe your role is the sum of who you are. You have many roles. You are a daughter, a wife, a mother, a boss, an employee, a sister, a friend, a citizen, a neighbour. So many different roles. So many different values and expectations and contributions within each of those roles.
So, no, I do not advocate that you find your sole purpose in being a mother. Because your children will eventually leave the house. Then, who are you going to be once they’re gone? You need something else to define your identity, your purpose.
But, I do advocate that you own your role as mother. You might say, “Bongi, I have three kids… of course I have taken up the role as mother!” But I would reply, just because you have kids doesn’t mean you are fully owning your role, your God-given weight and authority in this space.
Embrace it, accept it. Walk fully in it. You got this, mama!!
Own that you are the best mom for your kids. Own that you have been designed for these children. Do not believe the lie that someone else will be a better mom to your children than you. You are the best at being the mom to your own children than anyone else can be. Yes, even if they are teenagers and tell you otherwise! Even if they are in the terrible twos and tantrums and tears are the order of the day! Even if you need help (we all need help, girlfriend!).
When you walk in God’s given mantle of womanhood and motherhood, watch out world! You are a force to be reckoned with. The world (and your kids) need you!
But first… Girl, can we talk?
Beautiful mothers in South Africa take all shapes, sizes, ages, and cultures. For me, the ideal mother is much as I see it in the Bible – God’s plan for us. Safe, loved, hard-working, God-fearing mothers who raise up kids who they can release with confidence as contributing adults into society. Children who are anchored in the timeless values of worth, love, wisdom, respect, honesty, hard work, charity, and so on.
Sadly, the more women I speak to, the more I see how far we have fallen, and how varied our understanding is of what motherhood means.
I say you are made for greater things
I want to say that, no matter how it is that you’ve become a mother, that you change gears and start owning your motherhood with purpose.
Whether you had a baby as a way to keep a man, or children are simply a byproduct of a lifestyle that no child should be born into. Or you are raising someone else’s children. Or, maybe you have the picture-postcard family, but have never really “felt” like a mother. Maybe you feel more at ease in the boardroom or operating theatre.
No matter how it began, if you have children, you are a mother. Only you can and should take ownership of your precious life. You have so much to give, but it is not for free. You are valuable and worthy.
Ask for help if you find yourself “stuck” in unhealthy thinking, pain, or trauma, so that you can rebuild, re-evaluate, restore.
To those women, I say to you – be a cycle breaker.
Raise your daughter or son to think differently, to act differently, to believe differently to the life-limiting and often dangerous thinking and experiences that you were possibly exposed to.
This might be easier said than done. I get it. While you may not be able to change your circumstances, you can change your thinking. The best place to start is with your own heart.
My road to freedom
I have shared before how – after my father passed away – I was raised by a very strict mother, and a more easy-going aunty. This shaped my own parenting style and approach significantly. For better or for worse, I was raising my kids with my own baggage, pain, ideals and expectations.
What I have seen over the years is that I cannot give what I do not have.
I cannot raise my kids to think differently to me, to have stronger hearts, steadier thoughts, and more grit to face this world when I do not know how to do these things myself. I cannot give them freedom when I am held bondage by my old wounds, fears, demons, and pain.
Freedom only comes once you have experienced forgiveness. My story of Divine forgiveness from a debt I could never pay is what gave me my purpose.
Ongoing freedom comes when you forgive those around you who have wounded you, and when you forgive yourself. We all know that children model what they see in us. Imagine what could happen when they see us walk in joy, in peace, in freedom!
But let me not preach. Although this is how I live my own life, and how I raise my own children. As mothers, let’s invest in our own healing first, so that our children don’t have to “recover” from having us as their parents!
Healed mothers, whole children
Whether you are a single mother, a mother of a special-needs child, a stay-at-home mom or a working mother, a co-parent, a step parent, or the picture-perfect husband and wife team with two kids, a dog and a picket fence, we all have our challenges.
The road to personal healing, family-building, and children-growing is long. Very long. But it is worth it. Otherwise, there is also so much guilt that us mothers carry. We feel like we’re just not getting it right. We need to be the perfect play friends, most stimulating at-home educators, emotionally engaged therapists, and money-savvy role models. Lord, help us!
Well, there’s help!
Mothers Day Gift with Purpose
This mother’s day, try something different.
Instead of giving something that is consumed and forgotten a few days later, give a mothers day gift that your mother, your grandmother, your mother-in-law, your step mother, your sister, your best friend, or you will gain true meaning from, again and again.
Our Mothers Day Gift Box has a beautiful book that not only inspires, it motivates, strengthens and encourages women, especially cycle-breaking mothers! Because, you are the ultimate badass and we see you, we celebrate you, we appreciate you, Queen!
Love,
B 🫶🏾
