I love being a woman.

Seriously. I love everything that it means to be an adult female.

I’m a wife, a mother, a sister, a friend, an entrepreneur, a daughter, a boss lady. I recognise that these are my roles, and I operate in these roles at different times, and these roles change over time.

But they are not who I am.

I am a woman.

Being a woman is who I intrinsically am, and I relish it.

International women’s month celebrations

This month, as we salute the struggles and accomplishments achieved by women all over the world who have gone before. I see that strength of character, that resolve, that depth of soul required to bring about changes.

So, there’s a lot to celebrate! Women have so much to offer those in our world: our strength, our souls, our femininity. I also celebrate how different we are from all that is intrinsically male. I revel in how beautifully these differences complement our male counterparts, rather than compete with them.

I celebrate the many positive changes brought by women this month that mean my children can grow up in a world that is hopefully more understanding, hopefully more well-rounded, hopefully with more opportunities than a few generations back.

There are many wonderful girl-bosses who I know, trust, respect, and have worked with.

These women are warm, compassionate, understanding, and powerful, without stepping on others to advance their careers. They are unapologetic mothers, sisters, wives, and workers. They take time off to be with their families. They give guilt-free leave to you when life happens.

I celebrate these women.

Methinks there’s a bit of sneaky-sneaky going on here

What I am cautious of this month are the toxic elements that guise themselves as noble women’s causes.

We’ve all experienced it.

Yep, I’m talking about toxic feminism this month where we celebrate women’s achievements.

Let me paint the picture.

You’re at work.

Your boss is a woman.

You are a woman. Or a man. It doesn’t actually matter to her.

Because this woman is borderline sadistic in her words, behaviour, and approach to anyone in the room. She is more punishing, more insulting, more demeaning than any ‘toxic male’ we’ve come across in the workplace before.

Sadly, she is not the exception to the rule.

When confronted, her standard defense is, “They say I’m “a bitch” just because I’m a woman. If I were a man they’d say I’m a leader,” or some such rot.

This is toxic whatever-you-want-to-call-it.

When anyone fails to take ownership for how they treat people, or their shortcomings, or their own wounds and triggers, then it is toxic. Actually, it could allude to a deeper issue of mental illness.

I believe it is our responsibility to grow, heal, and evolve as a human being. To grow in maturity. To grow in empathy and wisdom. Refusal to do so is not feminine. It is not masculine. It is just toxic.

Nor is it new.

Nor is it discouraged.

The book ‘We Are The Ones We Need’ by Sihle Bolani really unpacks the severity of toxic femininity in corporate South Africa. More specifically for black professionals because as you know we are playing catch-up to being included in these spaces.

I have a different take on international women’s month

So, I was chatting to my ‘sisters’ the other day.

We ended up talking about women’s rights and feminism etc.

One of the ladies shared a meme that said, “I honestly don’t think we were supposed to work this hard. What was wrong with hunting and gathering”

My mind shouted “exactly!”

I actually yearn for it, and I know I’m not alone.

Sadly, for many women, this is not an option anymore. Many of us are now the primary breadwinners as companies push for more women in key roles at work, and house-husbands are on the rise.

Hear me now.

I’m not saying that house-husbands are a bad thing, or that men are not capable of raising children. Not. At. All.

What I am saying is that as women, if we are honest with ourselves, at our core we actually get real joy and fulfilment in carrying out more “traditional” roles. Instead of the current scenario many of us are in where we feel guilty for leaving our kids with someone else so we can go to work, or for being late for parent-teacher meetings, or for taking off work to take the kids to doctor’s visits, etc, etc.

So, this International Women’s Month, let’s re-learn what our mothers and grandmothers knew. Let’s let go of anything that sounds forward-thinking, but is actually destructive and toxic. Let’s celebrate working women who have so many balls in the air, and stay-at-home-moms who also have so many balls in the air!

I also love the book ‘I AM WO(MAN)’ by Lindelwa Mokgoro, which speaks about women roles in society, created by God’s intended plan for a very important and significant purpose. Which was never intended to compete with men but rather to complement each other.

I mean we bring humans into this world; there’s really no competition!

These books are ideal gifts to celebrate women

If you want to celebrate the wonderful women in your life – your wife, your mother, your sister, your best friend, your boss, your colleagues, your grandmother – our bespoke gift boxes feature the wonderful books I’ve mentioned above, and a few extra spoils that I guarantee she will love.

Give a gift that lasts longer than International Women’s Month… and will remind her of her importance, value, and beauty every day, long after March has passed.

Love,

B 🫶🏾